Causes of Conflict between Adults and Teens by Funmi Stevens

Mode of correction:  Punishing teenagers does not really work. Disciplining teenagers does. Punishment and Discipline are two different things. Punishment casts away, inflicts a penalty for an offense, it handles roughly; it hurts. While discipline corrects to protect; trains and expect to produce a specific character or pattern of behaviour, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

There are basically four kinds of punishment

a.      Physical punishment – slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, and using a dangerous object.
b.    Verbal punishment – shaming, ridiculing, using cruel words,saying “I don’t love you.”
c.     Withholding rewards – “You can’t watch TV if you don’t do your homework.”
d.      Penalties – “You broke the window so you will have to pay for it with money from your allowance.”

Truthfully, none of the above mentioned punishment can work for teenagers. But it is quite unfortunate that, most adults or better put, parents/guardians use these methods a lot. A child who frequently receives punishment is likely to grow up to be hostile and aggressive.

Also a child, who receives punishment, often focuses on how angry he/she is at the parents rather than thinking about how he/she can learn from his/her mistake. Parents who provide punishments are also inconsistent most of the time which can be quite anxiety-provoking for the child.

Inattentiveness: As mentioned earlier when I was discussing communication as one of the causes of conflict between adults and teens. Inattentiveness brings about shunning.

Furthermore, according to the definition in Collins English dictionary, to be inattentive means “not paying attention; heedless; negligent”.

Some adults cannot afford to spare their time to spend it with their teenage children. They are too full of activity, they claim that their job is highly demanding, and it is with the job they feed and take care of the family. So they cannot afford to be preoccupied by the affairs of any child. They tend to say, “he/she is grown now and can take care of himself/herself, after all, he/she is 15, 16, 17, 18 or even 19, how long will I continue to spoon-feed him/her like a kid. He/she has to learn to take decisions and be responsible for his/her actions”, without taking time to guide the child, showing interest in his/her personal life (stuffs about his/her academics, friends, religion, etc.),  readiness to be attentive and give answers to his/her questions and never get tired of his/her curiosity (inquisitiveness).

Well then, as a matter of fact such statements and attitude from adult will only give room for the child to become wayward and totally uncontrollable, since there has never been any guidance from the beginning when he/she need an adult most.

The child becomes bad, and the adult see him/her as that. However the adult may at one time or the other, try to control the child, in an effort to make him/her live right, then rules are made and enforced.

At this stage, the result you will get is a conflict between an adult trying to forcefully change a child who is already grown enough to know what he/she wants and a teenage who cannot afford to be treated like a kid.

Insensitivity: Simply put, it’s the lack of sensitivity to the feelings or circumstances of others. Teenagers face some general problems like, stress, bullying, depression, cyber addiction, drinking and smoking, teen fear of failure, low self-esteem as a result of intimidation,struggle for recognition and acceptance by theirpeers, plummeting (dropping or reducing) of interest in social activities, pregnancy, underage sex, child abuse, peer-pressure and competition, eating disorders,

An involvement of a child caught in any of the above mentioned act should be traced to the insensitivity of the adult who should be responsible for him/her. I am of the opinion that if adults are sensitive enough, a teenage child will be curbed early enough before he/she gets deeply involved.    

The outcome of insensitivity is nothing else but trouble. That is, now you’ll have the adult reacting to and displaying an aggression about his/her teenage child’s reckless or unsuitable life, while the child on the other hand, finds it rather difficult to let go of his/her long-adopted  way of life, which has become part of him/her. 

Also, insensitivity can lead to separation between an adult and the child. They’ll find themselves on two parallel lines that never meet. The child becomes angry at the adult for not being sensitive enough to take note of his mood (in the case of mood swing) or depression. These could lead to an unpleasant attitude from the child, while an insensitive adult in return complain or yell at the child. In some cases, the adult ignores the teenage child, thereby making the latter become angry with the former. 

Consequently, the child may decide to express his/her unpleasant feeling by one way or the other (such as abandoning his/her chores, etc.) with an intention to displease the adult. 

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