Many times we face difficulties in raising a teen age boy or girl.
To many people, teenage seems like an age where a child or ward becomes
uncontrollable. A child with this tag remains so until he or she becomes
wayward eventually.
But it beats me to know that parents or guardians have not taken time
to find out the reason why the child is, or seems to be out of control
as the case may be.
For anyone who cares to know, here are some tips on the causes of
conflicts between adults and teenagers. This piece may help you (adult)
to have an understanding of the general problems teenagers face, and
how best to address these problems.
1) Paradigm: This simply means the way you see him/her,
your point of view, or belief. Your paradigm may create limitation; it
may also make you view your teenage child wrongly. In other words, if
you believe he’s dumb, you will always look for evidence to support your
belief, find it, and he’ll remain dumb in your eyes. You may observe
that, such child may make an effort to adjust, to see if you can
change/shift your paradigm, but it seem like it’s not working. The
result of his/her fruitless effort may be in two ways, it is either
he/she decide to continue to remain adamant on the same thing you
complain about every time or he/she hates you for not seeing the good in
him/her and not realising and appreciating his/her effort to become a
better person.
2) Communication: Some adults are seen as enemies
instead of allies. They communicate negatively and give commands, and ‘I
told you so’ lines. They make rules and enforce their rules on them,
this only make them feel they are seen and treated as little children,
whereas, they are already seeing themselves as young adults. The adult’s
order/rule therefore, may be dishonoured and disobeyed, and the result
of this is conflict.
Also some adults love to prove that they are always right. They
disregard the opinion of the teenage boy/girl. His/her opinion or input
in matters is irrelevant. An issue that concerns him/her is not really
important. They are of regular response that, “that can wait till I’m
back from work, church, etc”.
It is worthy of note that, one who perpetually shuns a teenager
should get ready to have the child go out of control, after which
conflict sets in.
3) Ingratitude or lack of appreciation: Some adults
(parents, guardian elderly ones) find it difficult or better put,
needless to show some appreciation to a teen age child for an effort,
he/she has put in to achieve a particular task, in school, at home, in
religious gathering and even to another older person. This may really
hurt and discourage the child from being well-behaved or productive in
subsequent time; meanwhile the adult may look forward to seeing another
great performance from the child.
Credit: www.fumsyluv.wordpress.com (Funmi Stevens)
